Don’t Allow Your Marriage to Fail Like Samson’s

Consequence is a result or a outcome of a decision or event that happened earlier. Right? And so when we make decisions there are consequences that come as a result of that. So if someone takes a wife from among the philistines, so to speak. We can only expect consequences to come, negative consequence as a result of that. Samson failed, in that he didn’t seek counsel ahead of time. In other words, it would be advisable, for any young man or young women if they had an interest in the opposite sex, before they allow that relationship to start, to seek counsel, that’s the time to seek counsel. Not once it gets going, because once it gets going it snowballs and it’s like a run away train. Now there’s emotions involved and it’s hard to back track. So the time to seek counsel is at the very start. Samson didn’t do that. He went to Timnah, and we don’t know the reasons, I can’t vouch for his motivation of going down into the Philistine territory to seek a wife, I don’t know if he went there to seek a wife or what. But when he was there, he saw a women of the Philistines, and was taken by her. Apparently it was a matter of simply a physical attraction. She wasn’t a child of God, she wasn’t among the people of God.

He came back and rather then asking his father his counsel or his advice. He simply stated to his father “I met a women from the Philistines, get her for me.” And so you kinda feel for the father, don’t you? “Why didn’t you even ask? Your my son and your about to make the biggest decision of your life.” “And you didn’t even ask my counsel.” So it’s easy to see how it’s at-least a violation of the fifth commandment to honor your parents. But that is the point in which counsel needs to be sought, at the very start. Now he didn’t seek that counsel at the start. We feel for his poor father who then attempts to counsel him. He says “But aren’t there women among your own people of Israel, that you should take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” From the people that are heathens. And so the father, he dares to give counsel to his son. And we as parents ought to take that example, we ought to dare to counsel our children in any way.

But again, Samson in his foolishness, disregarded the counsel of his father, and it is his mother also there in that verse, it says “His father and mother.” He disregarded that counsel again. He said “She looks good to me.” And literally in the Hebrew that means “She looks right, in my eyes.” And so there’s that stubbornness. You know about those who have become involved in a infatuatus (an intense admiration) relationship that causes them to just disregard counsel and proceed.

Matt Haney “Can you give some counsel on, ‘If the father is not in the picture?’” “Or if they know the father is not really going to care” Well here is what normally happens. A fellow has his eye on a girl. He starts sending out signals. Before you know it there’s a fire burning, neither one of them can put it out without major difficulty. They begin to counsel with their peers. He goes to his best friend and says “Hey, what do you think about this girl?” And his best friend of course, he has no wisdom about him, he’s got no years. He says “Sure I think she likes you, go for it.” And so the first thing that happens, the first mistake that happens is horizontal counsel, they go to their peers. What needs to happen is parental counsel first, the parents are the first line of defense, so to speak. In the abundance of counselors there’s victory, right? But you have your parents and they’re your first line of defense. Like we were just talking. But he didn’t go to his father and mother and when they gave him counsel he didn’t heed it. Nowadays if a young person would be interested in a girl he needs to first seek counsel from his parents. If his parents are unconverted that doesn’t mean you just throw out any of their opinions. Their opinions can still be very valuable even though the spiritual state of their soul is poor. In other words, there are good, healthy, vital marriages among unbelievers. Some unbelievers still have some wisdom about them, in matters of compatibility and just good general counsel. This person shouldn’t disregard parental counsel if their parents are non Christians.

Then the next line would be your pastors. Go to your pastors and ask them “What about this person?” Now all of this is before any indications have been given to the other person and they’ve started the fire going. You see, It’s like the match hasn’t been tossed to the kindling yet, and your discussing whether or not it’s wise to toss the match to the kindling. And so he goes to the pastors and asks them their counsel, and of course they will be able to guide him and give him direction. And beyond that, anyone who has a godly walk with the Lord could have something that would be missed by any pastor, if he’s a godly man following God.

Matt Haney says “So when Samson says ‘Get her for me for she looks good to me.’” Do you see that as a mind set that maybe immature or new believers have entered into, where they’re judging their future mate not on a spiritual condition of the soul at the moment. But rather just looking at the outward appearance. Do you see that as a enormous stumbling block there?

I think so. The bible doesn’t say we have to marry wives that aren’t physically attractive.

It doesn’t say that. But apparently in Samson’s case, his interest was based solely on that. Because he was outside the will of God, he didn’t inquire anything about the spiritual status of the women. She was a Philistine. And so she wasn’t even among the people of God. So he was wrong in even pursuing her in the first place. It is apparently a lust of the eyes that drove him to that unholy infatuation. Which is what we call “Samson didn’t fall in love.” He fell in lust, some say. He saw a women and he wanted her. So I believe that’s an accurately way of understanding that.

When it comes to emotional attachments it seems to me that that’s the very beginning. We send signals to the opposite sex that may or may not be treated, may or may not be interpreted rightly. And then signals are returned back to the other person and before you know it there is a relationship building there. That… is not necessarily founded on lust. But it has opened the door to it. And an emotional attachment still involves a giving of your heart in some way to that person. And a giving of your heart to someone of the opposite sex needs to be reserved for a husband and wife. Not pieces along the way, on the trail, so to speak, when we finally wind up married. So that’s one negative. I don’t know that I have any scriptures that come to my mind that would deal with that in particular, other then it’s not advisable. Another thing, if these emotional attachments need to be broken off, because of some objective reason at a later date. Now is very painful. Now it’s almost impossible. Because their hearts are given, they’re intertwined. So that’s a very difficult thing because when the relationship starts and gets a head of steam behind it, so to speak, the first thing that happens is objectivity goes out the window. And now reality isn’t faced and real reasons and real objections aren’t honestly evaluated and answered. And emotions drive the decisions because there is an infatuation, and an attachment there, the heart is given. Now things are excused, and things are avoided being looked at under the true light of scrutiny. And so there’s not adequate, honest, scrutiny there.

These little infatuations that start and these emotional attachments and relationships. They’re not small things. We might view them as that, you know, society calls it “puppy love.” But it’s not that way, it starts that way, and it’s not innocent. It snowballs, it becomes a run away train, it becomes a forest fire with one match, right? And so it’s very dangerous. “He does not know that it will cost him his life.” It also says there in Proverbs “She has cast down many wounded, and many strong men she’s slain.” So here you’ve got, how many times have we seen it? With a famous religious, I call it religious because not necessarily a true believer, but some sort of spiritual man in society. He falls to sexual temptation. The next thing you know, where’s he at? He’s gone. Not even in his place any more. His marriage is ruined, his kids are gone. And it happens and it’s a very serious thing. But that struck me from those verses, it’s final.