As a Christian, especially single, you can come to points in your life where you feel God has forgotten you. You want to be married. You don’t like being single. You’ve asked the Lord for a spouse. And you feel like, you see other people around you getting married. “Lord, what’s happened? I want a spouse just as much as they do! You didn’t give me the gift of singleness anymore than you gave it to them.”
And you begin to feel sorry for yourself and self pity, and remember, the devil is a slanderer, and will he not come in right there and say, “Look at you… look at these folks over here, God’s given them girlfriend/boyfriend, they’re courting, they’re doing this, God’s got it out for you… you’re probably not even one of His. He probably doesn’t want anything to do with you. He just mocks you. He’s forgotten you. What are you serving Him for? Look at how much everybody else has. And you don’t have anything.”
And do you know what you can do right at that point? With that mindset? Justify sin. You can justify it. Listen, does God say He’s against you? Listen to what He says, I’ll just fly through these: Romans 8:31, “What shall we say to these things, if God is for us, who can be against us?” Look, just because God hasn’t given you a spouse yet, does not mean that He’s against you. Look, all of us have trials to bear. That may be yours today. You can look over at the married guy and think, “look at him, I don’t have what he has.”
No, but he also doesn’t have what you have. Until you’ve walked in somebody else’s shoes, don’t always think that God is showing favorites. God does show favorites, but to all of His children; they’re His favorites. And He has guaranteed us all that we have to go through affliction to get to the end. And just because your affliction isn’t like that guy’s, and one of the afflictions you have to bear happens to be in the realm of singleness, I guarantee you he’s bearing them too. So before you think that you’re getting the major raw end of the deal, stand in his shoes first, because I guarantee you there’s a whole lot of people that are married that wish they weren’t.
Romans 8:32, now think with me here, “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, with Him, graciously give us all things?” Look, if He’s given you His Son, then He’s going to give you everything that’s for your good. For your best. And He knows what’s for your best. He really does. How about this, Romans 8:35, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?” Listen, singleness doesn’t separate you from the love of Christ. Jesus was single. God is just keeping you just like Him for a season. Paul was single. He’s keeping you like that for a season. Come on, you’re no more cursed than they were.
Psalm 118:6, “The Lord is on my side, I will not fear.” I’ll tell you when your mindset is, I know the Lord knows all about my situation, and I know He’s on my side, and I know He’s for me, He’s not against me, and I know He gave His Son for me, and if He has, He’s going to graciously give me everything that’s good and profitable for my life, and it’s all going to work out for my good. I love God. I know He hasn’t forgotten me. There’s a promise there that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that. Psalm 56:9, “This I know, that God is for me.” When you have that mindset, brethren, it goes a long ways to help deliver you.
Matthew 7:11, “If you then who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more with your Father Who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him?” And I’ll guarantee you this, He gives good things to His children. And if He looks at you and He says, “I know in My infinite wisdom that the best thing for that person right now is singleness…” Listen, I never wanted to get married in my life until God saved me, and then I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a family. He left me single for three years. That was not an enjoyable three years for me. That was tough. But I knew full well this, that during those three years, He knew it was best for me to be in that place. And I was able to take that time and invest it in studying the Word of God in a way that I would have never been able to had He given me a wife immediately. I was able for the better part of three years to saturate myself with the Word of God and with prayer. Come home from work every day and just listen to sermons and get in the Word and go out and pray. Day after day after day, and get involved in various ministries and just absorb my life in that. Which I would never have been able to do.
Craig and Rod, the two that I was hanging with tightly at that time, they were married, they had kids, they couldn’t do the things that I did. They couldn’t study the Scriptures like I could. So the thing is, remember, when you’re in a place of singleness, God is actually giving you opportunity to do things that married guy over there can’t do. He’s giving you opportunity very possibly to be more fruitful than that other person may be able to be. Don’t despise that. Don’t let self-pity ruin it. Give yourself to striving to excel at that point.
How about this, Psalm 84:11, “For the Lord God is a sun and a shield, the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” No good thing. You walk uprightly. He doesn’t withhold it. And if He looks at you and says a good thing is a wife, you’re getting it. If He says a good thing is singleness, you’re getting it. And He’s wise.
And this, “Delight yourself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4) and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Listen, there’s a place to take that – if you know, I do delight in the Lord, I love the Lord. I’m striving to serve the Lord. Go to Him and ask Him. “Lord, would you give me the desire of my heart? I really would like to be married.”
How about Matthew 6:17 and 18, it talks there about fasting, “When you fast, anoint your head, wash your face, that your fasting might not be seen by others, but that your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Fast. Seek the Lord diligently. Don’t just ask Him flippantly. If you want something from Him, show Him that you mean it. Fast for it. He says that He gives openly those things that you ask, seek Him for in secret.
Remember this, Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, ‘it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him.” Listen, take that text to Him. “Lord, You say it’s not good for a man to be alone, and I’m alone.” I mean, plead with Him. Pray to Him. Proverbs 19:14 says a prudent wife is from the Lord. I’ll guarantee you this, you get a wife, you get a husband, it’s from God. He’s got everything to do with it.
Look, is that important? That’s hugely important! If you’re just basically a lost person out in the world, and you go and all you do is camp in front of the t.v. all the time, all you see is these movie stars and all these beautiful people, and you go and look in the mirror and you’re like, “I’m not as handsome, I’m not as beautiful, I’m not as this I’m not as that, I’m not as suave and debonair as these guys. I don’t have any chance to get this.” Listen, what are you saying? God is sovereign. Is it like any Christian is in some kind of position where God isn’t quite able to give that person a mate? I mean are you basically coming to a conclusion, “Well, you know I… I just don’t have what other people have.” Listen, my Bible says a prudent wife is from the Lord. By the way, a prudent husband would be from the same place. If your desire is to have this, you’re delighting in the Lord, it’s not good for a man to be alone. Which must mean it must not be very good for women to be alone either. Ask. Expect.
If you believe God is against you, it can give place, and I’ve heard this before, I’ve heard Christians reason, “Well, I’m not married, and I have these desires, and I just need to knock the edge off… I need to do this… God understands.” No. Listen, you fall into sexual sin, and you reasoning in it because you want to be married, but God just hasn’t brought you a wife. You see what that’s doing? You’re basically blaming God for your sin. He’s just not for me like with other people. You don’t want to get into that mindset.