I’m going to pray. And then after I pray, we’re going to have our sister Ginaphr share her testimony. Hopefully, the babies will be okay. After that, we’re going to go out and baptize our sister Ginaphr. I realize some of you might wonder why, since Ginaphr is already a member of our church and has been baptized. She’s going to share her story about what God has done in her life before we step outside to baptize her again. So, brethren, let me pray, and then we’ll give our sister that opportunity.
Good morning, church. As he said, I’m here to share my testimony with you. I know that might be shocking to some of you; it was to me as well. I’ll just start from the beginning. I grew up going to church before I could even walk, with my grandparents. There wasn’t ever really a time when I didn’t at least know, in my head, that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. However, looking back, there wasn’t any real understanding or teaching about sin, about how great God really is, and how He sees our sin.
I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma where everybody goes to church and says they’re a Christian. It’s easy to just fit into the mold, say the right things, learn the lingo, and act a certain way because everyone around you is doing the same. But shortly after Caleb and I started coming to this church, I really began wrestling with where I was spiritually. Being under good preaching stirred something in me, and I started questioning whether I was truly a Christian. I kept trying to convince myself that I was, based on various reasons, but it was an internal battle that I never spoke about to anyone.
A couple of months ago, Tim gave a sermon on sin and our conscience. For so long, I had been pushing things down, like when your trash can is full, and you keep pushing the trash down to make room for more. During the sermon, he talked about having a liberated conscience. I remember thinking, “What in the world are you talking about? That can’t be true,” because it wasn’t true in my life. I was in constant turmoil inside. I actually remember sitting in my chair, looking out at the church, and thinking, “Is that what every Christian here feels like? Because I definitely don’t have that.”
Towards the end of that sermon, Tim said, “Some of you out here know that this is you. Don’t ignore this.” As soon as he said that, all the trash I had been pushing down exploded. I knew I needed to talk about it and let it out. After that, my parents came into town unexpectedly, and I remember feeling so much anger because they didn’t tell us they were coming. This anger and struggle with loving my mom added to the weight I was already feeling.
A few days later, Caleb asked me how I was doing, and I finally opened up about my lack of assurance and where I was spiritually. He sat down with me, read 1 John 1, and laid the gospel before me. It was like hearing it for the first time. That night, after Caleb went into another room, I confessed all my sins to God. I realized for the first time how vile and grotesque my sins were before a perfect and holy God, and that I deserved hell.
In that moment, Jesus’ words from Matthew came to mind: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and you will find rest.” I believed He heard me that night and saved me. The weight lifted, and I felt a joy and peace I had been chasing for so long. The next day, I was so excited to love my mom genuinely. My parents were the first people I got to tell about my salvation, which was really special.
That’s what the Lord has done in my life. I want to apologize to all of you for deceiving you, even though I was also deceived myself. If anyone out here feels the way I did, don’t wait. Please don’t keep silent. You can come to Him, and He promises rest.
